I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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