you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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