if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
