So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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