hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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