i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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