I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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