So drunk its hurt
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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