I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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