i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
