The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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