My Higher Power is John Stamos
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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