u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
