She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
