you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize