just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
false alarm, still single
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