At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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