im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
