I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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