I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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