dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
