so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
