at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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