Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
