It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
