I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
