The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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