so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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