Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
