I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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