As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
