Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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