i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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