Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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