About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
