We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
