i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i drank out of a bidet.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
