Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
