I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize