Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
