If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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