pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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