I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
