So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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