Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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