the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
