you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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