Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
