Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
