I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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