She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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