it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Shame - the story of my life.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
