i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
