Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
