sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
