I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
