is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
