The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
