I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
