once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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