i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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