I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
