Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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