my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
