so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
